…except for that one time at Kings Island where I passed out and had to ride through the park on the little mini ambulance to the first aid center. Luckily I was mostly unconscious for that.

It’s been a long week. Friday night my husband Jake went to the ER – in an ambulance! – for shortness of breath. Long story short, two additional doctor visits, and a handful of panic attacks later, we are waiting on results from the bloodwork panel.

Last Friday could have been more disastrous than it was: I was at work when I received the phone call. My imagination immediately flipped off the anxiety charts. On the drive to the hospital I was preparing myself for the worst – surgery, bills, loss of motor skills, death, you-name-it – when I paused, grabbed the emotional part of my brain by its shirt collar and whispered, “Stop.”

I didn’t even know what was wrong yet, but I was already nearing hysteria myself. That’s what anxiety does. That’s what fear does.

More importantly, that’s what the enemy does.

He lies. He fills our minds with “what ifs” and “could bes” until we’re convinced that whatever situation we’re facing is far too big for God to handle, let alone us. The enemy tells us we are alone. He presents hypothetical arguments that spiral faster than any spinning carnival ride. He keeps us tense, emotional, high-strung – all the ingredients for poor decisions and heated words we’ll regret as soon as they leave our lips.


I don’t think he counted on that word…or the ones that followed.

“You don’t get to win today. This day already belongs to the Lord, and He has already won this battle. I’m going to see a victory. You don’t get to win today.”

He didn’t like those words very much, but I drove the rest of the way to the hospital in relative peace. I wasn’t allowed to wait with my husband (thanks Covid), so I bought a salad, a box of pretzels, and a Starbucks cold brew (because when in doubt, coffee) and went to my sister’s. I stress-ate my salad and let her cat sleep in my lap for 2.5 hours, until I figured I may as well go home since nothing was happening at the ER. (Also, most of the time I’m allergic to cats, but like I said, “not today, Satan!”)

Community. Get you some. Build the kind of relationships where you can crash-land at someone’s house for almost three hours and stress-eat salad and get hyper on caffeine and cat hair.

Here we are, a week later, trying to figure out how to manage my husband’s anxiety. We’ve had sleepless nights and taken time off work. We’ve done every natural remedy I can think of to calm an anxious mind. We annointed our home and prayed. Yet, we’re still here, waiting on results, trusting that the Father knows what He is doing, because at this point, we sure don’t.

Perhaps that’s the point…

Praise the Lord, my soul, all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Sing His praises through the battles and the storms, knowing that He already holds the victory in His hands.

Praise the Lord, my soul, sing of His everlasting love and faithfulness. We are not promised tomorrow but we are promised His comfort, His peace, His goodness, and the reassurance that He will make the world right in the end.

Praise the Lord, my soul, shout your testimony to the earth so that all may see the healing and know the Healer.

It’s been a long week.

Psalm 103

Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all the oppressed.

He made known his ways to Moses,
    his deeds to the people of Israel:
The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
15 The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children—
18 with those who keep his covenant
    and remember to obey his precepts.

19 The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Praise the Lord, you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his bidding,
    who obey his word.
21 Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
    you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the Lord, all his works
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul.


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