Last summer I felt a stirring in my spirit to take the next step in my faith journey. I could give you a play-by-play recap of what that stirring felt like and the decision-making process – hint: prayers, fasting, and partnership with trusted confidantes – but ultimately I think that what came out of that process is between myself and God. The reason for that is twofold. One, it’s personal, and I am a private person. Two, I’m afraid. What am I afraid of? Oh, everything of course, but that’s another story (literally – you can read it here).

Mainly I’m afraid of both failure and success. Failure, because even though I’m a recovering perfectionist I don’t like failing (who does). Success, because I’m afraid to step outside of my comfort zone (hello fellow hermits). However, as you can read in my previous, recent posts, I’ve been working hard at expanding that comfort zone and learning to just “do the thing afraid”. Why not?

At the end of the day, I have a voice that I can use selfishly or selflessly. I used to want to be known for that voice; I had big dreams to write fiction and see my name on the covers of books in Barnes & Noble. I chased those dreams until, in a somber, walking-through-the-valley moment, I was asked to give those dreams away and trust God with my life instead of trusting myself. That, friends, is the moment – recorded to the date in a journal – where things began to change.

Let’s fast forward.

I have a voice. I have a passion and a knack for writing. I have a desire that somehow God uses my voice to encourage, educate, strengthen, and minister. I am currently garbage at public speaking, but I think that if I’m willing to let God use my voice, His love and His message will be heard by those who need it, in the medium that speaks to them –

Stories. Poetry. My own personal fumbling and imperfect testimonies of His goodness. May my social awkwardness be relatable to someone who needs God’s love! I joke, but truthfully, at the end of the day and at the end of my life, I just want to do what He wants me to do.

Let’s jump back.

Last summer I realized that while I love to read and study and learn and tell everyone what I’ve learned (whether they want to hear it or not), I am not exactly the most theologically qualified. My reading and studying is amateur at best and it would be beneficial to examine theology and ministry on a larger, more comprehensive level. (Wow that’s a stuffy sentence).

Bible school y’all! (That’s better).

Fast forward.

I enrolled in Bible college and I start my first class on Monday. And it’s fine, I’m fine, everything is fine.

(Narrator: But it was not fine.)

I’m a little stressed. Excited, nervous, and stressed. But it’s fine. It’s going to be a long road, but I’m curious to see where it leads. You might have follow-up questions, like “Are you getting a degree/certificate?” or “What do you plan to do with these classes?” and the answer is: I plan on being better prepared for whatever God’s calling me to do down the road. Maybe I’ll take a handful of classes and be done. Maybe I’ll complete the program, I don’t know at this point, and that’s OK. Right now, the plan is just to show up and learn.

So over the next 6 weeks if you see me and ask, “How are you?” and I nod and say, “Oh, fine,” you’ll know EXACTLY what “fine” means. Thanks in advance for your prayers.

And if you’re asking yourself, “What’s the point in sharing this in a blog post, Meg?” Here’s the takeaway:

If you feel the Spirit stirring something inside of you, don’t ignore it. If you feel like God is calling you to do something, obey. If you’re facing a decision or uncertainty, please pray, fast, and ask people to partner in prayer and fasting with you. More and more I feel called to live my faith boldly. I’m working on it, and I hope you are too.

Written by Meg Diefenbacher

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